This morning Kolby woke and was feeling so much better. Kristi came back from New Mexico and we all were laughing and joking around. Kolby was actually smiling. I thought for sure we were going to have a well embraced good day. Kolby went into the bathroom to get ready to take a shower and as she took out her ponytail she also took out a clump of hair. She was devastated. We were told that it would probably take a few weeks, not the second week. She was hysterical. How do you comfort a 15 1/2 year old teenage girl and tell her that it is going to be ok to lose her long beautiful hair and become bald??? There were no words of comfort. We just had to let her cry. Cry and cry and cry, hysterically! We talked her into taking a bath. She is so cute, she first wanted to wash and then put a bathing suit on, and then she let me wash her hair ever so gently. I used shampoo and conditioner at the same time and just gently rubbed her hair and then she just swished her hair around in the water. Really, not that much came out. But if you gently pull, it comes out. We are trying to make light of it. Kristi even gave her a haircut. It's just a little past her shoulders. (She wouldn't let me take a picture yet.) She is doing ok at the moment. But I know in the next few days she will lose all her hair. I have dreaded this day more than any other day. Kolby has just digested the fact that she has cancer, and now to lose her hair. This is going to be rough. We told her that we would all shave our heads so we could be the bald family. This just made her cry more. There are no words of comfort. We just have to let her cry and be as angry as she wants, and hopefully she will get used to it and end up joking around about it. I know it will take a long time though. What an ugly disease, but Kolby, you are beautiful. Even without your hair you will be the most beautiful girl in all of our lives. You have so much strength underneath all of those tears. I am so proud of you.
I am so sorry! I think it would be harder to lose your hair as a teenager than at any other. Much love.
ReplyDeleteWhat a strange way this is to stay connected to your family. I have been following this blog since it was started and of course it brings tears each time I read the feelings that are expressed here. We love you all and our prayers are especially focused now for Kolby and her suffering. We don't know why we are asked to go through these trials, except that it gives us pause to examine our lives and how we feel about the gospel.
ReplyDeleteThe Savior suffered the same pain and frustration that you are going through now Kolby and He is there to comfort you just as the angels comforted Him as He went through it for you. He understands completely how you feel, more than anyone else can, for he has been there already.
I know that you are a wonderful strong spirit and will have many times to comfort others in their times of trial in the future. it is hard now, and no one can diminish what you are going through. The most important thing is to remember that we love you unconditionally. You are our girl, through and through.
Also remember to forgive yourself for having this disease. It may seem like it is taking so much away, but it is only for a small moment when compared to the eternities.
Your hair will grow back. Get some really cool hats. I love hats. They are like a picture frame. They are not the picture, but they complete the picture.
We love you so much, Kolby. You are the best of the best, always remember that it is not the outside of us that determines who we are. After all, our spirit bodies are the perfect part of us and it still has hair. :)
So your body will remember how to do it when you have done the chemo deed and have it behind you.
Remember that tears are good. They help us release the emotions that come with hard times and be able to let them go.
Love Gramma & Grampa Crampton
You're right Dana, Kolby is beautiful! I've always thought so and I don't ever remember attributing it to her hair alone. The only change that will be recognizable to those that love her is a more confident and determined young woman!
ReplyDeleteOh Dana! Do you think that she would let me come take pictures of her? I wish I would have known when I came down last! I would totally make a special trip, though.
ReplyDeleteHugs to both of you! You are such an amazing family!
Kari, Kolby said with her wig on. LOL She is starting to have a few jokes about it.
ReplyDeleteKolby - you're gorgeous with or without hair!
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