Final Chemotherapy Treatment!!!

Dear Cancer,

I am not even sure why I am writing this letter to you at all. Personally, I don’t think you deserve to have a letter written to you especially one that starts out “Dear…” But today is a pretty special day for me, so I thought I would write one anyway. The reason it is a special day for me is that today I received my last chemotherapy treatment to get rid of you once and for all! It has been nearly a whole year since we first met. Some days it seems as if it was only yesterday. I have so many mixed feelings about our “association”. It has been a tragic and horrible year with you. But along the way I did find some shiny moments. For example, all of the amazing people, friendships and help that I received through this awful experience. You wouldn’t believe all of the caring people who have done so much for me personally. I get overwhelmed with emotions just thinking back on all of them and all of the things they did for me. I love all of the moral support and financial help that my friends continually gave to me. It meant so much to me to see how many people cared about me. It was amazing to see people come to my aid and rescue. It made it possible for me to have the strength every day to do battle with you.

But I hate the fact that we ever had to meet. You have taken so many things from me. Whether you care or not…you have taken away a part of my childhood. I have been forced to deal with situations that only grown-ups should have to deal with. You have made it really difficult for me to have certain dreams and goals come true. You stole from me my health, my hair, and a lot of my happiness. You cheated me out of precious time, energy and memories. You may have robbed me of my only ability to have children and build a family. You have physically beaten me down time and time again…not to mention the emotional toll that you take on me…on a daily basis. From day one, you have been on my mind every day…and as much as I want to forget the fact that I know you…it is just impossible.

There are days when I wake up and my hatred for you is almost overwhelming. It may be that I am sick of going to all of the appointments, or that I am tired of being in pain or it might be as simple as me missing being able to be free and not having our “association” always hanging over my head. I wish I could for one moment forget that we ever met … but the reality is that we did...for reasons that I don’t understand...you barged right into my life. So “Cancer”…seeing first hand all of the damage that you left behind…I am really not sure how you sleep at night!!! Actually I hope over this past year that you didn’t get any sleep at night with all those burning chemotherapy treatments hunting you down! It’s painful!! (Sucks…right?!!)

For this past year, my doctors and I have done our best to get rid of you and I just wonder why you are so dang persistent. I mean I know that I am a fun person to hang around with…but sometimes you just have to take a hint! You must know how I have felt about you…especially on that day when I bought a shirt that says…“Cancer Sucks!” I am way past ready for you to be permanently retired to the island of “total remission”.

While the truth may be out that…“I hate your stinkin’ guts”, I must say that there are some things this encounter has taught me. I am learning how to love unconditionally, how to forgive completely, how to always have hope and embrace the little things in life. This experience has opened my eyes to so many beautiful things in this world that someone can only appreciate after having gone through what I have gone through. This experience has given me the drive to help others who are in similar situations, to give of myself and make a difference in the lives of others and I will never forget these people and those experiences.

No matter how hard I try to shake you…it looks like you will always be more than just a memory to me. Whether I like it or not I have to accept the fact that our future together may or may not be coming to an end here soon. All I have to say is that…don’t even think about coming back around here again!! You now know the truth. Underneath this trampled down body is a princess and I am used to getting my way. I don’t give up easy and I will always put up a heck of a fight. Did you happen to notice that I have had great friends and family behind me every step of the way? Well, I do and we are a package deal so just be forewarned …we can get really crazy at times!

For the past year I have wondered off and on why you chose me? I no longer want to know why, the fact is that for whatever reason you did…all along…it was always up to me…on how I dealt with it. Every day was a difficult challenge…full of headache and heartache. I can’t even tell you how many times I cried.

But I am still here…I am still standing…and I am prepared for whatever my future holds.

As much as I don’t like you, our encounter has ultimately made me a stronger person and being strong is what will carry me through the future.

Never Yours,
Kolby