Tough Day!

Today was not a very good day for Kolby. No pictures! I always love taking pictures of Kolby when she is having fun and feeling good. Kolby doesn't like me to take any pictures of her when she is not feeling well. And today is one of those days. All day Kolby has been very uncomfortable and in a lot of pain. Her stomach, back, hips, legs, knees, and body aches. Nothing has been able to relieve her pain or make her comfortable. Even the foot massages, back tickling (from her sisters Kristi and Kylie), and the three bubble baths didn't help. During her last bath I sat in the bathroom with her and we talked for a long time. Kolby just cried her eyes out and she asked me over and over again why did this have to happen to her. I told her I didn't know and she just cried and cried and cried. I told her when Kenzie, her little sister, passed away I wondered over and over again why. I also shared with her how I would cry my self to sleep for months and plead with the Lord for comfort. It wasn't until years later that I realized that even though I was in pain, I know that the Lord did comfort me and he was there for me. I told Kolby this and that all the experiences we have in life especially the painful and challenging ones will leave the most impression on us in the long run. I told Kolby that in a few years she will look back at this awful experience and she will have learned an important lesson. I do not know what that is, but that she would become a better woman, wife, mother, friend, and daughter because of this trial. I told her that she will look back and see that the Lord did bless her and that her faith in prayer will increase because he did listen and answer her prayers. He may not take all the pain and cancer away, but he has blessed her with friends and family that love and would do anything for her. Kolby did agree with me, and she admitted to me that she hasn't been saying her prayers as much lately. I left her alone in the bath for a while and I came back in and she told me she said a prayer and asked for strength. I am so proud of Kolby. She could be so angry, but instead, she is humble and her heart is so tender and sweet.

We all just ache inside for Kolby. It is the hardest thing in the world to see your child in pain and cry. Kolby cried off and on all day long. Honestly, I thought I was going to lose my mind at times, but then I humbly remember the pain she is going through and I felt horrible. I know that patience is so important during these times. Our family is tested in so many ways, and we have to remember to stay strong and endure. I know that we will look back on Kolby's journey with cancer and we will all have grown and learned such important lessons just like Kolby will. I do not know what is worse...having cancer or seeing a loved one suffer from it. Taking care of Kolby is not only sad but hard at times. I feel so helpless when I cannot comfort her. I get frustrated just like Kolby does. No one said it would be easy being a mom....only that it would be worth it. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything....for I know that this disease will make our family love each other even more. When we serve each other it brings us closer. Bad things happen to good people to make them better. We truly believe that. We also believe that the Lord is there for each one of us, no matter who we are and what circumstance we are in. I am so thankful for the Lord and the privilege we have to pray and ask for help, comfort, and guidance. I do not know what I would do without that knowledge. It's a comfort in life especially when life can be so hard at times.

Thank goodness for comfort movies like "You Got Mail." After going for a drive, we came home and Kolby started watching her favorite movie and she fell right to sleep. Last round of chemo Kolby had four horrible days after her treatment. Today was day one. Three more to go. We can do it. We stick together, take one day at a time, stay positive, and be patient. But most importantly, we smile.